Tuesday, December 31, 2013

With you guys around, EVERY DAY is a Girl’s Night Out!

  Good morning! Since today is New Year’s Eve, I think I’m contractually obligated to do some sort of “Year In Review” post. The bad/cool thing about brain fog and short circuiting short term memory? It kinda gets me off the hook, since I can’t really remember much of what all went down. ESPECIALLY if I’m trying to put I in any chronological order.

  I thought about borrowing someone’s year, just so I could look like I was even trying. But those pesky copyright laws keep me from proudly claiming anyone else’s achievements as my own. So, I figured I could make some shiz-nit up. Ya know, the Year of My Dreams!

1)  I solved pi.
  It was an accident really. I was making banana nut bread and dropped the cup of chopped nuts. When they fell on the floor, they spelled out the answer and WHAMO! BAMO! I was suddenly considered this math genius and given some Nobel Prize thingy which came with a HUGE check that I blew on iTunes in under a week.
  Since, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t duplicate the whole scattered-nuts-math-thing, the Nobel Commission realized what a horrendous mistake they’d made and the entire affair was swept under the rug.
  And THAT’S why you never heard about it in the first place!

2)  I’ve written enough song parodies about colons, dropping deuces, and being stuck in the bathroom to fill an entire album!
  At this point, all I’m really waiting on to make my break in the “Big Time” is a call from Dr. Demento to set me up with someone who can sing and a band.
  OK, this one really IS true! I am CONSTANTLY rewriting the lyrics to songs to fit whatever is currently going on. DRIVES MY FAMILY NUTZZ! Especially since I do most of my best work while, shall we say, perched atop the porcelain throne?
  But, I know in my heart of hearts, one fine day that call WILL come. And then? I’ll be able to share my sadness and joy with the world! (Or at least with those other odd souls who happen to find potty humor as hilarious as I do.)

3)  I’ve continued my Unofficial War on Twitter.
  Yes, my hate-love-hate-apathy relationship with what seems to be the poster-child-of-choice for short attention span, has continued unabated this year with laments, merciless mocking, and a little outright hostility thrown in for good times.
  The one good thing I can say is; after months of (what I’ve been told are) slightly creepy tweets sent his way, VINCE OFFER FOLLOWED ME BACK! My one, bright, shinning Twitter moment!
(Side Note– Just for the record? I appear to be losing my Unofficial War, since Twitter keeps on growing, despite my bestest efforts to totally ignore it. It’s kinda seriously wreaking havoc on my self esteem over here.)

4)  I had a breakthrough moment. A couple of times.
  This would probably be where I’m supposed to switch tones and get all serious and stuff, but one of my breakthroughs is that I absolutely HATE doing what I’m supposed to do. ‘Cause I’m a rebel like that.
I mean, thanks to the Mysterious Big-Heart, I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to hang out with the “Big Dogs” and what I discovered was…I suck at playing with others. Not ALL others, just the other who are trying to be all serious and actually work or something. I mean, I kick-ass at playing with others who are playing. So I guess maybe I should have said I suck at working with others.
  In all reality, I just suck at working. I guess I should have just said that to begin with and saved a lot of extra words. I’ll remember that for next time…

With you guys around? EVERY DAY is a Girl’s Night Out!

5)  In the end, it’s all about the love and the laughter. After that, anything else is gravy!
  OK, this one I didn’t actually learn this year, but it was reaffirmed every last day of it, so it TOTALLY is gonna count!

  I cannot even find the words to thank all of you for hanging out with me this year! I wouldn’t even know where to begin to tell ya how much more fun you’ve made my mornings than they would have been otherwise.

  So, to a year well spent with good friends having some good laughs and drinking some good *insert beverage of choice here* (COFFEE) and to another year of more of the same, I raise my mug-o-java and drink deeply!

  May you and your loved ones have an amazing, safe, laughter filled HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I’ll see y’all on the flip side!

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