Friday, February 28, 2014

Three-Pots-O-Coffee Day

 Good morning! So I sat down this morning, all prepared to write a stellar Top Ten List. Then the coffee kicked in. Or didn’t.

 Usually my morning is ruled by a pretty simple formula; C2 + Sm + LT = Blog. (2 pots of Coffee + Smokes + LapTop = Blog post) (Yes, I know smoking is BAD for me. Just bein’ all honest-n-stuff.) This morning, however, I’m having a hell of a time focussing. I mean, REALLY. I’m all over the place!

 I figured I just needed more coffee and then I’d be able to apply myself, so I got up, refilled my mug, walked around, refilled my mug, looked out the window, refilled my mug, played on Facebook, refilled my mug, and…what the heck was I talking about again?

 Oh yeah, how I got distracted.

 It’s DEFINITELY been a Three-Pots-O-Coffee Day, guys. The only downside of excessive amounts of my beloved black gold? My brain goes into overdrive while my body remains in park. Then things like THIS happen:

    What Three-Pots-O-Coffee Does To A Top Ten List

  1)  I bet I could write a friggin’ soap opera about the stupid Muscovies. I could call it
    1) As the Feathers Fly
    2) When Birds Ruled My Life
    3) Hissy & Pissy
    4) I’m gonna film the pilot RIGHT FRIGGIN’ NOW! Now where’s the video camera…

  2)  That conversation we had at lunch yesterday was weird in a seriously awesome way. Might make a good list; Top Ten Reasons Zombies Make Good Girlfriends
    1)  You never have to worry about conversation
    2)  You know they’re only dating you for your body
    3)  Lots of holes
    4) OK, that one’s too messed up for even me! Or is it…

  3)  This kitten is so friggin CUTE! Man, I think I’m turning into a Crazy Cat Lady about 20 years ahead of schedule.
    1) I’ve already got more pictures of my cats than of my kids
    2) I’ve considered the possibility of trying to spin cat hair
    3) any new furniture is selected with room for cats factored in
    4) Ohhhhhh…LOOK AT HER! Where’s my camera?

  4)  Anal leakage is not even remotely funny. I wonder if I could write a song parody that would be? I guess it all…DEPENDS! *falls over in insanely long and loud fit of giggles*

  5)  I love morning! It’s the only time of the day I have the bathroom to myself. I shall compose a poem of love for it!
    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    The fumes are KILLING me!
    Bet they’ll linger for you too.
 Not what I had in mind, but it’ll work.

  6)  If one is the loneliest number…
    1) is two the stinkiest?
    2) is three the most crowded?
    3) is four totally square?
    4) I should really do something with my hair. Like cut it, dye it, or at least wash it…

  7)  SO. MANY. MEMES.

  8)  OUCH! I swear, if anyone ever made a documentary about my life and used already existing movie titles, they’d call it…
    1) Legends of the Fall
    2) Falling Down
    3) Idiocracy
    4) I need more coffee. And a doughnut. DEFINITELY a doughnut!

  9)  My life should be a game show. “Today on What’s That Sound, we’ll be playing another fun filled round of…”
    1) Find The Cat Hork!
    2) Who Broke What?
    3) If the Smoke Detector Doesn’t Go Off, Is Lunch REALLY Done?
    4) OH! Do I really wanna know what I just stepped in? Yeah, I think I just found the sound…

  10)  I wonder what makes pink salt pink?
    1) it’s made from ground up flamingos
    2) it’s mined from the soil of a Yeti burial ground
    3) it’s female salt
    4) I like salt!

 I am now officially vibrating like a…thing that’s vibrating a lot. And I need to make my 57th bathroom run for the morning. Because we may drink the coffee, but it’s just on loan until our kidneys kiss it goodbye.

 What is your absolute WORST “too much coffee” story?
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