Monday, July 30, 2012

The Skeeze Ate My Post!

 HOLY CRAP-ON-WHOLE-WHEAT-TOAST!!!!!!!! I was proofing (PROOFING! As in FINISHED and checking for errors!) and the computer locked up and I lost EVERYTHING! AAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
 *deep deep breath* Good morning, take two! Shiz-nit…I cannot for the life of me remember half of what I wrote, so I’m gonns do this…
 …Thank all of you for the amazing words of support and encouragement yesterday! It really meant the world to me…
 …This is such a difficult part of my life to write about, but I’ve always tried to write with honesty (perhaps even too much at times *grin*)…
 …Thank you for the bravery and honesty of the beautiful people who stepped out of their “comfort zones” and left comments yesterday…
 That probably summed up in three sentences (OK, three and a half) what I spent two pages and an hour and a half to write. *sigh* *resists urge to HULK-SMASH mini netbook*
 Here’s the tragic chain of events that inevitably led to this morning’s freak-out session (not that I really NEED a reason or anything)…yesterday, right after I posted the blog, my mini went insane! It would seem the little tramp has spent the last year having unprotected inter(net)course with all manner of websites!
 Imagine my surprise when a window popped up informing me she’d contracted not one, not two, but THREE WTV’s! (Web Transmitted Virus) It’s like STD’s only worse…I mean, let’s face it, Gonorrhea NEVER stole anyone’s identity or emptied their checking account! 
 I immediately went off-line and did the smart thing…began the panicked screaming for my tech-support, the Boomerang Kid! After I jumped on his bed long enough to get one of his eyes to open, he took a look and informed me the hussy had been using absolutely NO virus protection!
 How the heck does that even happen? I thought these things came with all that technical stuff already loaded. I mean, aren’t computers supposed to be basically idiot-proofed by this point? Because I…am a confirmed IDIOT in need of things being thoroughly “proofed”!
 Evidently NOT.
 No, the little skeeze had managed to become infected with things with ominous names like “Trojan Ware,” “Hack Ware,” and “Ad Ware.” (Why oh WHY wasn’t she using protection?) Was it my fault for not having the “talk” with her? Was I at fault for not violating her privacy and sifting through her files before she went out to “surf,” making sure she was properly “prepared” in case she met some nice “site” and hooked up?
 This would be the point at which my son informed me that if I didn’t SHUT UP, he wouldn’t fix it for me, because I was acting all insane again. (Ummm…it would appear I had been bemoaning all of this out loud…Oops!)
 After the Boomerang Kid had gotten up and showered…FOUR HOURS LATER…he tucked my precious under his arm and disappeared into the world of McDonald’s Free High Speed Hot Spot with her. (Yeah, we live in the boonies and our so-called service runs at the speed of dial-up and includes down-load limits.) (The stupid butt-nuggets!)
 He eventually returned, having found the proper files and fixes, or penicillin or whatever in the world it is you use to cure computer viruses…Then the three hour (THREE HOUR) system scan began. I was computer-less ALL FLIPPIN’ DAY! Oh yeah, withdrawals were happening all over the place!
 So this morning, I’ve got her back, but she’s obviously experiencing a few side-effects from the cure, because the bee-yatch just ate my entire post! (Where the heck-y was auto-save, I ask you?) That, and she’s running as slow as I do after a couple (prescription) Vicodin!
 All I know is this, she had better get her shiz-nit together and fly right or there really will be a HULK SMASH! moment in her future. Anger management? Nope…I think I will do just fine managing my anger with a hammer…all over her keyboard…(It may be time to go jump on tech-boy’s bed again until he’s awake enough to fix THIS!) (Besides…jumping on beds if majorly awesome fun!)
 May your day be filled with computers that know their place and ALWAYS use protection, no stupid viruses, and friends that are just as amazing as you are! (Thank you all again with much love!)
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