Saturday, November 23, 2013

Stanley’s Ho-liday Feast

Thanksgiving was coming quickly this year.
So Stanley called a meeting as he sat sipping his beer.
“This year you’ll be spending 
Your Turkey Day here with me.
‘Cause you Hos have been slackin’
And tickets home just ain’t free.”

After the tears and complaining had time to die down,
They debated a menu so supplies could be found.
They all hated cranberries,
Though none quite knew the reason.
The same with sweet potatoes,
Despite it being that season.

“Forget the cooked bird!” The Ho loudly proclaimed.
“What the hell, girl? Without it, Thanksgiving ain’t the same!”
“It’s all the pushing and stuffing
And the fists crammed ‘below’.
I could NEVER eat a turkey
‘Cause I’ve ‘been there‘, ya know?”

Then The Bitch chimed in with her thoughts on the meat
“Lay it on me,” said Stanley, “what is it YOU won’t eat?”
“Ham,” she said loudly
And defiantly set her jaw.
“Anything with the word ‘pork’ in it
Just won’t do at all!”

The hours dragged on as they argued the menu.
How did these two chicks make EVERYTHING innuendo?

The hot, buttered buns
Went the way of the bird.
And all the yummy pies?
They moaned at the very word!

Picking food that wasn’t ‘sexy’ took all afternoon,
But they settled on a menu from their favorite cartoon.
The Hos spent the week
Gathering supplies after work
While Stanley took “Management” naps.
(The guy really WAS a jerk!)

Then Thursday arrived and everyone worked hard all day.
The table was set, candles lit, toasts were raised!
The moral, if any,
Of our Thanksgiving tale;
It doesn’t matter what you eat
As long as you’re with those who care!

From Stanley and his Ho’s, a Happy Thanksgiving Day shout-out!
Enjoy your family on Thursday, ’cause that’s what it’s about.
Screw the shopping, the pushing,
The commercialization of the day.
Save your cash for ‘Business Friday’
When these Hos’ll need to make pay!

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