Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Red-Head’s Revenge

That’s right,
I’m one sexy red-head!

  Good morning! OK, I gotta ask…do you ever wonder just which Omnipotent Being you pissed off and just how you did it? Or even better yet, how much longer until the next mere mortal pushes their buttons and draws their attention away from you?
  I know. This is SO not a PC way of looking at things. But sometimes? A gal’s just got to wonder. Like when she’s laying on her plague bed couch, staring up at the ceiling through a haze of fever on day THREE of the Scourge of 2013. (Day THREE when The Oldest and hubby only had a paltry 24 hours of fever/aches/chills before it settled into an irritating but non-life-altering cough and sniffly nose. But this kinda sounds like whinning.) (Which it TOTALLY is!)
.     .
So, you lay there in your non-PC moment of patheticness and wonder WHY the Powers-That-Be thought it would be super-awesome fun to point their Finger of Pestilence your way. After all, weren’t they already having enough fun with the whole “chronic illness” thing? Did they think they’d pushed you as far as you’d go with it so this last but of phlegm would break you and quiet your complaining?
  PU-LEE-UHSE! I am a red-headed woman! My bitching and moaning in the face of personal discomfort knows NO bounds! (According to hubby, I was even complaining in my sleep. Oops.)
  My joy was actually pretty immense on Sunday when my fever finally broke. (WHOOP! WHOOP!) Yep, I was sure I was gonna just have an itsy-bitsy cough with a runny-ish nose. I was going to LIVE! *cut-away to scene of Mad Scientist screaming, “It’s ALIVE!“*
  (Here’s where the pointing and laughing from Other Realms comes in.) Then I arose yesterday to Acute Bronchitis and a distinct inability to breathe. ‘Cause that’s how I roll, baby. I’m the over achieving rebel. *bangs head on table* (Not out of frustration but more to loosen sinuses.)

Turns out they were right
when they said we’d one day
have our meals in pill form!

  But the situation is not without its humor. Like yesterday when the Doc asked if the Cellcept (the new immunosuppressant my Rheumy put me on three weeks ago) was helping with the muscle pain? She did get a good belly-laugh at my answer of, “How would I know? I’ve had the FLU!”
  Or my drug-hazed theorizing about the rather “odd” side effects reported from combining Cellcept and Augmentin (my antibiotic) which may include pregnancy (Ummm…come again?) and hoarseness. Which led me down a twisted path about how avoiding one may lead to the other…(If anyone actually misses my meaning, feel free to e-mail me for a private, in-depth explanation since I’m trying to keep it “clean” here.) (Or at least “clean” for my norm.) (Your welcome.)

Laugh if you want,
but it works!

  And last but by far not the least giggle-inducing would be my personal way of dealing with the never-ending quantities of slime my body seems capable of producing. For some reason, EVERYONE thinks this is just hilarious! (Feel free to mock me, but hey! It works.)
  So in closing I’d just like to offer this last thought to whichever Prankster-On-High is having all the fun…As soon as I can breathe freely, I am SO gonna pull a “Liam Neeson” on your punk-arse. I WILL hunt you down, I WILL find you, and I WILL use my waste basket of plague-soaked tissues to infect you! Because the skills to hold a grudge and get even in bizarre and unexpected ways are my own, special set of skills. (I did mention I’m a red-head, right?)

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