Friday, June 14, 2013

I’m thinking’ I’ll either get a Publishing Contract, a Lawsuit, or hate mail for this.

  Good morning! Riddle me this, what does one do to perk oneself up when one finds oneself down in the dumps?

  For starters I think I can stop speaking in a gender-neutral-third-person-removed-second-cousin-on-your-Dad’s-side kinda way.


  Next, I can do a Flying-Walenda-inverted-swan-dive-with-a-back-flip into the mud. Just because someone doin’ an ass-splat in the muck is ALWAYS funny! (Even if it is oneself.)


  Finally, I can dig deep and find something for today’s Top Ten List.

  Here goes…a few night’s ago I was chatting with a gal-pal about the times we’ve spent “livin’ large” on a budget that’s stretched so thin, it’s darn-near invisible. Which led, of course, to the whole “I’d like to see Martha Stewart write a book for THAT” kinda discussion.

  So here it is, the cumulative efforts of two slightly twisted minds meeting at the intersection of Totally Wrong Street and  We’ll Probably Burn For This Avenue.

     Top Ten Chapters Included In Martha Stewart Living For The Working Poor

  1) Interior Decorating with Blankets
  Included uses; hanging blankets in windows and doors for added insulation, blankets as couch and chair covers, blankets as tablecloths, blankets as functional doors, blankets as draperies, and more

An old baby blanket finds new life as a throw rug.
Note the use of duck tape as a non-skid backing.

  2) Alternative “Wipes” 
  Includes; items that can be substituted for bathroom tissue, such as worn-out T-shirts, unmatched socks, old towels cut into smaller cloths, and the proper bleach : dish soap : water ratio for cleaning the substitute items

  3) Ramen Again
  Includes; over 20 different kid friendly recipes using Ramen Noodles.

  4) No A/C For Me
  Inncludes; heat-busters for those living without A/C, such as the best public places to hang-out in for the free A/C, how to turn your tub into a kiddie pool, how a bowl of ice and a fan can create a small Arctic zone

  5) Out-Of-Gas Games
  Includes; ways to turn running out of gas into a fun game for kids, the best places to run out of gas to ensure the fastest rescue, tips on when and when not to accept help from a stranger

  6) Diaper Daze
  Includes; clear instructions on how to turn items like an old T-shirt, a towel, cling wrap, or bread sacks into a stylish and functional diaper. Recommended for emergency use only.

  7) Craft Time for Kids
  Includes; using condiments as finger-paints, turning flour, salt, and water into play-dough, daisy-chains and clover crowns, braiding weeds for lassos and jump-ropes, turning crayon shavings and wax paper into collages

  8) The Quiet Game
  Includes; tips and tricks to turn hiding from a Landlord into a game that even small children can easily master and enjoy

  9) Revamp That Wardrobe
  Includes; using food coloring or Kool-Aid and vinegar to dye a garment to match the color of a non- removable stain, the lost art of sock darning, super glue to extend the life of a shoe, duck tape hems for beginners

The sock on the right can have its life extended by simply
using a needle, some thread, and a light bulb to darn the hole.
The sock on the left? It’d be better put to use in Chapter 2.

  10) Alternative Detergents
  Includes; easy to follow instructions on substituting laundry detergent for dish soap, dish soap for laundry detergent, shaving bar soap to use as any kind of detergent you find yourself in need of

  There ya have it, a glimpse of what Martha’s Living might have looked like if she had married WAY too young and started a family on a budget that would have made the proverbial “shoe string” look like “high on the hog.”

  I’d love to hear any additional topics, tips, or tricks you’ve come up with. After all, ya never know when it might come in handy…(OK you might know, but I never do since I seem to dig life on the edge and all.*grin*)

PS A HUGE thanks Ms. L for the hilarious conversation and awesome ideas. You ROCK!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...