I am a dumbass. (I know, no big revelation there, right?) I used to think I was alone in this kind of self awareness, until I tripped across cyberspace and found The Real Dumbass News and the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde.
Fearless Leader (aka Toby) keeps the Horde in stitches with his sampling of the finest dumbassery from around the globe. (It’s kinda like the guilty pleasure of reading the tabloid trash headlines while you’re standing in line at the grocery store, only no one can get pissed at you for holding up the line.)
And just in case anyone’s asking who qualifies as a dumbass, Fearless Leader’s answer is, “I am a firm believer that everybody is a Dumbass…me, you, your neighbor…everybody! Except my Mother, the Pope, and Billy Graham.”
I can’t thank the Big Guy enough for agreeing to hang out with me today and share his latest dumbass find with us.
Graduation: Dumbass Style
Here we are at the end of May.
Birds are singing, gardens are in the ground and college students around the country will soon be departing their Institutions of Higher Learning to leave their marks on the world.
And by “leave their marks on the world” I naturally mean “enter rehab”.
Or make bomb threats.
And college graduations.
Let me splain.
Down in Hamden, Connecticut, Danielle Shea was receiving thousands of dollars from her folks so she could attend a fine university like Quinnipiac.
Problem is that Danielle was not attending classes.
Yet Mom unwittingly kept sending the checks and Dani kept cashing them.
Then the Moment of Truth came and she (Mom) went to Quinnipiac for the Big Graduation Ceremony.
Upon reading the graduation program, Mom noticed that Danielle’s name wasn’t on the list of 2014 Graduates!
At this point Danielle went into Full Holy Shit, I Am Screwed (!) Mode.
So she did what any normal 22 year old college dropout who is ripping her parents of for tens of thousands of dollars would do – she called in a bomb threat to the site of the graduation ceremony!
This was a very bad idea.
So bad, in fact, that Danielle will be auditioning for a leading role in the soon-to-be-released future classic women in chains movie Prison Lezbeans and Cucumbers: Vegetarian Women in Cages, Part XVII.
This of course means no more checks from Mom.
But plenty of fresh produce from the prison garden.
***Hat Tip: MyFoxNY ***