Thursday, November 7, 2013

Dear Bruce Springsteen, please don’t sue me!

  I just gotta warn you; if you’re sensitive to potty humor or the mistreatment of some SERIOUSLY classic rock, you might wanna click away now and try again tomorrow. If you choose to proceed? My conscious is officially clear!

We Got the Runs 
(to the tune of Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen)

In the day we sweat it out on the seats of
porcelain the color of cream
At night we ride it out in silence as the rest
of the family dreams.
Sprung from hell, the cramps they come
Face white, lips tight, stiffleing
four-letter words
h-Oh, I think I just passed the bones from my back
It’s a crap attack, it’s relief I lack
Will this shit end while I’m young?
Cause folks like us, baby we got the runs!

Yeah, you know we do.

A kid wants in, will this never end?
I wish we had a second crapper.
I stuff cotton balls inside my ears
And try to ignore their blabber.
I try pinch it off, wipe-and-run
I’ll light a match, spray Fabreeze, baby I think maybe I’m done.
h-Oh, will you stop bitchin‘ about how it smells?
‘Cause I’m here to tell ya, you don’t know hell
You outta try it from my side,
Courtesy flush’s powerless
My olfactory nerves are fried!

Wish I couldn’t smell it

Beyond this moment I still have hopes
Of a life out of the potty
Fresh smellin’ breeze blowin’ through my hair
And I walk without a waddle
Underwear doesn’t rub on wipe-rash burns
Birds sing and nothing’ reeks of rotten egg
I fart without fear of an underwear smear
In sweet releasing bliss!


The hallway’s jammed with a line of people
As I push through, “EMERGENCY!
USE A TREE!” someone yells as I push and shove
But I gotta do more than pee.
I beg and bride, scream, bargain and cry
Shit’s about to get real if someone doesn’t open this door
h-Oh, someday friend, you won’t know when,
I’m gonna get you back
for my decimated drawers
You’re on my shit list, son
‘Cause folks like us
Baby we got the runs!

If I’m lying, I’m dying,
Baby we got the runs

Come on and move, folks like us
Baby we got the runs

NaBloPoMo November 2013
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