Bohemian Laundry-Hell Rhapsody

Bohemian Laundry-Hell Rhapsody

(sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

PIXIECD

Is this my real life?

So many piles today.

Caught in a landslide (laundry’s threatening to bury me)

Open your eyes, look up to the sky and scream

I’m just one woman, I need some help today

Because it’s load of whites, next the towels, uniforms and socks that smell

Someone please hold me, they’re throwing more laundry down to me, to me

 

Someone, please kill me now!

Put a gun against my head, better than changing another bed.

Damnit, the day had just begun and I think I’m spending it all folding clothes

Underwear…ooooooooh (I’m holding my nose)

I don’t wanna know, I don’t remember seeing these since ’94

Throw ‘em out, throw ‘em out. He can just buy new ones

 

Too late, why did I look? Should have bought a hazmat suit, just stuff it in and don’t look

Goodbye fabric softener, hello static cling. Why didn’t I remember to buy more at the store?

The Oldest….ooooooooh (he just cleaned out his room)

He better run and hide, I might snap over the five more loads he addedwhy-me

 

*insert agonized interpretive dance here*

 

I see a jug of bleach, sitting on the shelf

Pour it in! Pour it in! Will it help me out with the funk?

Off-balance banging, dryer overheating..aye me!

Pit-stained tee (muddy knees) Pit-stained tee (muddy knees)

Pit-stained tee, go in the trash

Bullshit-oooooooo

This is why I wanna quit, where do I resign?

This is why I hate this shit, I think I’m gonna run-n-hide

And spare me a day of this living hell on earth

 

Hubby offers me his help, but I just don’t know

Move over! Why won’t you let me help?

Don’t you know?

Move over! Why won’t you let me help?

Don’t you know?

Oh hell Chris, just stop yelling at me

I just don’t know…Reds with whites?

I don’t remember this

Delicates in hot

It was all tiny-n-pink

pink pink pink pink pink pink pink!

You’re exaggerating, fiction making

Go sit down and let me help

But we can’t afford to replace all those clothes again, again, again!laundry-agony

 

*insert mandatory frustrated head-banging here*

 

Do they think shit’s magically clean and put away?

Do they think a freakin’ Fairy comes? Well not today!

Oh, baby! I need a beer, baby! And maybe a shot, or maybe

the whole bottle too!

 

Oooooh screw this. Screw this!

 

As I stand and look around at

Laundry piled to my knees

It’s all an exercise in…it’s all an exercise in…

Futility

 


Comments

Bohemian Laundry-Hell Rhapsody — 8 Comments

  1. I don’t mind laundry but at hate that I can only do laundry at certain times during the week else I have to pay ridiculously high hydro rates. When I have to do all the laundry on the weekend, well you understand, I end up in bed for a couple of days.
    AlwaysARedhead’s recent awesomeness…Internet friendsMy Profile

    • I totally understand! My laundry-a-thon that inspired this (I really was wandering around singing bits and pieces all day Sunday. The Girl convinced me to write it down.) landed me riding the couch like a pro all day Monday and Tuesday. UGH!
      Chris Dean’s recent awesomeness…Duck, Duck, GooseMy Profile

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