Saturday, August 31, 2013

Artsy-Fartsy Avatar Day

  This morning while I was catching my breath after scream-cursing my computer almost to the point of asphyxiation, (I was playing with code and it wasn’t working. Go figure!) I decided to look for a few long-lost friends on Google+. I didn’t find the friends, but what I did discover was just how boring and un-edgy my profile picture is.

  Let’s face it, an accidental picture taken while I was trying to figure out how a friggin’ webcam worked is pretty “blah.” Never mind the fact that it’s exactly how I look when I sit down to write every morning or that it cracks me up. That is SO not the point.

Yep. That is the face of total confusion.

  Nope! I need “artistic.” I HAVE to have “avant-garde.”  And judging by what I saw this morning, I know just what is lacking. EYEBALLS! Or, to be more precise, eyeBALL.

  The first profile pic I saw of one ginormous eyeball I thought was kinda different. The second and third I thought were just plain weird. By my tenth eyeball, I started wondering what the hell I was missing. But numbers don’t lie! So if everyone is doing it, it MUST be cool!

  As I pondered my lack of eyeballness, I stared noticing another running theme; eerily lit mondo-head from an above angle. Maybe if I REALLY want to be super-cool and “different” I need to sit in a dark bathroom with a flashlight shining directly on my face and hold my camera as far above me as possible. The effect is kinda like the head of a mal-formed, Tim Burton claymation doll.

  While I was trying to figure out the logistics of holding a flashlight in one hand and a camera in the other (after blacking out the bathroom window, of course!) I noticed that several REALLY cool folks didn’t even have a human anything in their pictures. It was like try-outs for the Super Saver Coupon Page advertisements.

I saw nitro tanks, (I’m guessing the guy was into illegal car racing?) food items, (a cook or just hungry?) and all manner of electronic gizmos and gadgets. Which all made me think perhaps I should go with the “mysterious writer” approach and just use a picture of my ancient laptop. Hey, that should earn me double “mysterious writer” points since it’d be all “retro” too.

  Oh WAIT! It’s all coming together. I…think…I’ve got the perfect idea. The retro laptop, eerily lit and shot from an above angle, with a gigantimous eyeball on the screen! I am SO gonna be the coolest, most mysterious, avant-garde-iest of all the moody popular peoples on the webz EVER!

  Now, when the hoards of my adoring fans fail to rush me for autographs while I’m in the middle of my Big Mac? I can tell myself it’s not because said fans are a figment of my imagination, but because of my uber-artsy avatar. A win for a peaceful lunch and a win for my ego.

  Double Bonus points achieved!

PS  Before anyone yells at me for any misperceived snarkiness, keep in mind I’m not talking about well known bloggers trying to protect the privacy of their families. That’s totally understandable. I’m talking the rest of us peoples on the social media thingies, where the point is kinda to be…social, maybe? 
  Just wanted to make sure the sarcasm stayed aimed in the right direction. *grin*

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