who am I

  My name is Chris Dean. (aka pixiecd) I’m married to an awesome guy who swears he doesn’t mind putting up with me and we have four adult-kids who are surprisingly functional, considering they grew up with me as their Mom. We all live in the Hoosier State surrounded by the petting zoo I have systematically managed to turn our home and yard into. (Cats, dogs, chickens, Muscovy ducks, geese, and one turkey who thinks she’s a dog.)

   I am a world-class music junkie with a SERIOUS I-Tunes addiction, read non-stop, “doodle” on a cartoon blog (Totally Random Shuffle), and (according to hubby) don’t have hobbies, I have revolving obsessions.

  In early 2011 I began contending with an odd assortment of symptoms. Like any “normal” gal, I made an appointment with the Doc, assuming they had all the answers. What I found instead was a seemingly never-ending line of tests and guesses about what the problem was. That would be why I started this here blog thing; to share my journey.

  I live with  Systemic Scleroderma Myositis Unspecified Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder and Fibromyalgia…although I prefer to call it “Bob” since it’s much less of a mouthful and sounds far less contagious. (It also tends to keep conversations with strangers shorter because if they look confused, I am MORE than happy to fill in the details.) I also live with panic disorder with moderate agoraphobia, and either borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. or possibly both. (The Docs are still debating that one.) (It just means hubby REALLY won the crazy-wife-jackpot!)
  In the beginning I had absolutely NO intention of writing about my mental glitches but somewhere along the way it became apparent that far too many people live with Mental Illnesses and do everything they can to hide it. (And I was one of them for far too many years.) I believe it’s important to talk about mental health because silence just feeds the stigma and shame and no one should ever have to feel ashamed of any part of themselves. (OK, I’m climbing down off the soapbox now.)
  Even though I started writing as a way to keep myself sane (cannot even type that with a straight face) while I was dealing with the uncertainties and the ups-and-downs of the diagnostic process, it’s morphed into a way to hopefully help others, both those living with chronic illnesses of any kind and those who aren’t, remember to laugh.
  I’m a firm believer that EVERYONE should be an educated, empowered patient working WITH their Docs, as we are each and every one of us responsible for our own health. It’s also a dirty, rotten shame that so many feel kinda lost in Limbo while they’re still riding the Medical-Go-Round playing pin-the-tail on the diagnosis

  I strive for World Media Dominaton (for purely altruistic reasons, of course!) in order to start a National Chain of “Medical Mystery” Clubs. Or sponsor my Dream Home-of-Cures. Until then, I just keep doin’ what I do with poking fun at life in general.
  If you’d like to contact me to tell me, drop me a line, assist in my plans for World Media Domination, or offer to take over for me…feel free! Deanspub4@aol.com or deanspub@gmail.com
 Thanks for stopping by and may you all have a pain-free-as-it-gets day!


  1. Hi Chris, good for you, tackling your pain head on! I went through a 2-year period full of pain until I finally got a diagnosis and effective treatment. It wears you down. I wish at the time I had as good a sense of humor as your's. Lots of luck to you and keep on writing!
    Lisa Weinstein

    1. Thank you so much for the awesome words of encouragement! I'm glad to see the "effective treatment" part…(I've come to the conclusion I'd rather have that without a "name" for the beast than the other way around!)

  2. Hi Chris! I read this before but I wanted to read it again. 🙂 What is systemic scleroderma? You told me about your Mom with Crohns, do you or any of your babies have any symptoms? I see a Rhumy doc next week to see about RA or Fibro. I am trying to learn more and be prepared! Just curious 🙂 and because I care too….. 🙂

    1. I probably should update a little. *grin* Scleroderma attacts by sending collagen production into overdrive. It acts like scr tissue and narrows arteries and veinf as well as destroying elasticity. So muscles can't stretch and contract, including the muscles of the intestine if it builds up there.
      My daughter and I have both fought constipation since birth. My second oldest has the oposite problem In one end, out the other. *sigh*
      I had a scope a few years ago, but they were only looking for blockages so I don't know if they evenbothered looking for Crohn's or IBD.
      My current GI can't stop assuming everything's linked to Sclero, even though it's been a since birth thing. So I'm probably gonna look for a new on who can think outside the box. *grin*
      I think I remember reading that RA is found in a higher incidence with Crohn's? I know mom had it too.
      I'm sending mad hopes of everything coming back normal (as it gets) and will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!*hugs*

  3. Hi Chris!
    I've enjoyed reading your blog since discovering it through November's NaBloPoMo. And I'm here to bestow the Versatile Blogger Award to you and Life Your Way!

    If you choose to accept this award, you'll find the details here: http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com/2013/01/vba-part-2-nominations.html

    1. Thank you so much! I am truly honored that you thought of me for this. *blush*
      I'll click over, but first I would just like to say, I love your site and what you're doing! Wanting to make a difference just by letting folks know they're not alone in whatever they're going through as exactly why I started writing. (And it doesn't hurt that purple is one of my top 2 favorite colors. *grin*)

    2. What can I say, you have good taste in colors! 🙂 Looking forward to reading more from you!

  4. Love your blog!! As much as I read so far lol. Found you through We go challenge…sheesh the other initials get jumbled on my head hahaha what were they thinking when naming this challenge and giving it to a bunch of fuzzy brains,sorry I was talking about myself..anyways nice to meet you 🙂

    1. LOL! It's nice to meet you too!
      If it makes you feel any better, I keep a word doc minimized that has all the stupid letters on it. I have to check it about 3 times every day during the challenge to make sure I've got it right. UGH!

  5. Hello neighbor! I, too am a hoosier, born and bred…against my will heehee. And yes I was curious, why else would I click on a link that says Curious? LOL Good to know you. Since I am feeling like a blog stalker lol leaving 2 comments in one day..have a great Saturday, what's left of it…Looks like Spring finally decided to show up 🙂

  6. Stalker? Pfft! Yeah, that was me that just added you on G+. LOL!
    It's awesome to meet a fellow Hoosier. I think most people from here must keep it a secret because I really haven't met too many.
    And I HOPE Spring has FINALLY decided to show up. I am so ready for at least 60's weather. Finger crossed it sticks. *grin*

  7. Hi Chris,
    I found your blog today via Karen Vasquez and the Mighty Turtle. I love you style of writing and your tats. I have just relocated back here to Indiana from Calif. Two of my kids and several of my G'kids live here. So I have just settled in Brownsburg, next to Indy. I also have Scleroderma, diagnosed in 1987. I'll be keeping an eye out for your blog.

    1. How the heck did I miss this comment before now!?!
      It's wonderful to meet you Mary! And I'm convinced Karen is my Sister the Stork accidently delivered to the wrong house. *grin* WONDERFUL lady! So, guilt by association says you must be pretty wonderful yourself.
      Cali to IN is a heck of a move! Are you suffering weather-shock? Hopefully, not.
      And Brownsburg isn't too terribly far from my neck of the woods. We actually lived just this side of it for years. *grin*
      I hope like heck you've found a good Doc here. I know there's one at IU that specializes in Sclero and other connective Tissue Diseases in Women. Dr. Mary Jacobs, I think…
      If you're needing a fellow Hoosier to talk to, I'd love to hear from you! deanspub4@aol.com


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